Ramblings of an Insane and Confused Hermoine
by Nix Wolfwood
Summary: Hermione's late night rants and rambles about a certain redheaded Gryffindor.
1. Late Night Ramblings

**The Ramblings of an Insane and Confused Hermione**

_Lucid-03-days_

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Recently I've been thinking about certain people in my life. Okay, I lied. One specific person in my life. Is that wrong of me to do so? It's just, part of me feels like I'm too young to even comprehend the emotions that I feel when he's around me. Then there's the other part of me that's tell that other part to go shove it. It really makes no sense, and I just end up confusing myself.

I don't like to be confused. I'm a pretty intelligent girl. I know what's what and all of that. But this emotion I'm talking about, this love. I don't get it one bit. I mean, yeah, I know that I feel something different for him. I mean, there's how I feel for Harry then there's how I feel for Ron. They're both completely different.

It makes me laugh when people think that I have some sort of feelings for Harry. Well, I do have feelings for him. He is one of my best friends, I love him dearly. But, that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm speaking about another type of love. The one that makes ones stomachs to flips and feel like your legs could give out at any second if they look at you too long. That's how I feel about Ron.

This is where the problem comes in. Ron is also one of my best mates. I love him just as dearly as I do Harry. It's just, there is something else there. Other than the brotherly love that I have for Harry. I can't really explain it though. It's just that the thought of being with him puts a smile on my face, even if it's just to sit next to him during potions or something of that sort.

I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I realized that I had fallen in love with him, but I know that it happened without me even realizing it. It took me by complete surprise. I mean it was quite a shock to realize at the end of Transfiguration that I hadn't taken any notes. Although I had managed to write "Ronald Bilus Weasley" a couple hundred times on the parchment. That has to be a record! Although, it was a bit embarrassing when he and Harry had asked for my notes. Luckily, they didn't notice my ears turning pink, for they were covered up by my hair. I made up something about them needing to pay attention in class more, and left them standing in the Gryffindor common room.

That's not the only time I've come close to being exposed. It's happened many times. I've come to the conclusion that he's completely clueless, so I have nothing to worry about. He falls for the most idiotic reasons as to why I'm caught staring at him. Once, without thinking, I told him that I thought that I saw a pixie flying around him. Yeah, like I'd tell him that I was checking him out. I only wish I had that sort of courage.

But what am I to do? I'm a sixteen year old girl without a clue in the world as to how to speak to guys. Okay, that's not exactly true. My best mates are both of the male species. I suppose what I really meant to say is that, I have no idea how to tell Ron about my feelings for him. It's not only that. Should I even tell him? I don't want to be the reason why our friendship is ruined. What if he doesn't feel the same way? Then things will become awkward between us.

I'm just so confused. What am I supposed to do about all of this? Who can I talk to about it? Because, frankly, I don't think that I am capable of keeping this locked inside me for much longer. The only people that I talk to, let's just say I have no doubt in my mind that whoever I tell will tell him. Even if it's just by accident. Oh Merlin, I'm going to go insane.

Maybe I should just telA/N:l him. It can't possibly be as bad as I think it is. I could just mention to him casually that I think he should rip his shirt off and let me do naughty things to him...or maybe my lack of sleep is effecting my better judgement. I don't really care right now. It's down right evil for him to just sit across from me with his shirt unbuttoned. There should be some sort of rule against that. Screw it, I don't care if there is one.

Okay, breathe Hermione. Just get up and walk up stairs. All you need is some sleep. Maybe by tomorrow you'll be able to look at him without wanting to straddle him and snog him silly. Oh man, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to last.

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**_A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I've really been in a writters block...and this just sort of came to me some how. Anyway. Please tell me what you think about it. I want to know if I should continue it, or just keep it as Hermione being insane...thanks for reading._**


	2. Hormones

**Ramblings of an Insane andConfused Hermione**

_Lucid-03-days_

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Another night, another moment of insanity. I swear, my mind starts shutting off at exactly ten at night. Which isn't good, because so many nights Harry and Ron want to stay up night and just talk or something. So many times I've caught myself just about to make a move on the red-headed fiend. Luckily for me, my mind doesn't completely shut off until midnight. I've never really stayed around him that late. Especially long enough to get myself in a weird position with him...and I don't just mean that sexually. 

I wonder if it was that obvious that I said 'I don't _just _mean'. Hey, I'm a teenager. I have hormones just like every other person to grace this earth. Mine just tend to crave one of my best friends for something insane reason. Oh Merlin, I'm a horrible person. I don't think the thoughts I have for that boy are even legal. I've had far too many dreams about Ron in which I all but shag him. Although that doesn't sound like such a bad idea.

I really need to stop myself. If I keep going in the direction that I seem to be headed, it'll be worse than making things awkward between the two of us. No. If I did the things I want to do, the poor boy will be forever terrified of girls. Especially the type that have bushy-hair and are bookworms. Why, out of all of the people in this world, do I have to have these damn feelings and urges for him! I need some sort of mental help, for I don't think I have that much sanity left.

Maybe everybody was right when they told me I study too much. All of those books have gone to my head. I've become delusional, that's the only explaination. So much so, that I'm having fantasies about Ronald Weasley. For Merlin's sake! I mean, out of every guy that I could possibly have feelings for, why him? Things would be so much easier if I fancied someone like, I don't know, Neville. Yeah, Neville Longbottom. I wouldn't be awkward or foolish around him. He'd do all of that horrid stuff himself.

Woah! That was really rude of me to think something like that. It almost makes me want to apologize to him. Neville is a great guy. Luna is quite lucky to have him. To each his own...and I've claimed Ron as my own. I've decided. There's no other way. As of this moment, I'm no longer sharing him with anyone else.

Yeah, like I'd do anything to stop him from dating. I couldn't do that. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want to do that, I just don't think that I have the courage to do that. He can date whoever he wants, just as long as I don't know about it. If, for some reason I find out, it's not my fault if she wakes up with boils all over her face. Ones, mind you,that cannot be removed, even with the most skillfully trained healers.

Seriously though, the thought of Ron with another girl, kissing another girl. It upsets me. Greatly. I'll just leave it at that.

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**_A/N: I guess this story is doomed to short chapters. I suppose that means I'll update a lot more. Yay! More importantly, thanks for all the positive reviews. It makes me feel special. Please continue to review and make me feel special, so I'll continue this story. Most importantly: I would like to thank my Warlock for uploading my story yesteryday, for my computer wasn't letting me do it. -huggles him-_**


	3. Straddling and Death Threats

**Ramblings of an Insane and Confused Hermione**

_Lucid-03-days_

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It's getting harder for me to just stay up after hours with him. Even if it's just to do homework. It's the thoughts I get in my head when we're sitting at the Common Room table working. I don't care how many books are on the table. Books are meant to be moved. I know it'd be kinda rough, but in that position it's hard to be gentle.

It's not my fault I want to straddle him. He shouldn't be the amazing person he is. Because, I'm not just physically attracted to him. Although I'm not saying I'm not physically attracted to him, because I believe that I have proven enough that I am quite attracted to him in that way. But there's other reasons for the way that I feel about him. Maybe if those reasons didn't exist, I'd be sane. Maybe I should kill him. Then I'd be able to focus on things. But I wouldn't kill him. I couldn't kill anyone, let alone him. I love him, and I'm not ashamed!

When I first realized that I did, I was shocked. There was no way it could be true. He's one of my best mates, you know? That's just weird. It was a bit of a surprise. Ron's annoying, and acts like an idiot. I didn't even think I could fall for someone like that. But, he proved me wrong. I can't help it. I do love him. His very presence makes my stomach fill up with butterflies.

Oh man. I better be careful about how I think about him. I just caught myself staring at him. Luckily, I don't believe that he noticed. It's not that I don't want him to notice. Because I do. I really want him to notice. It's that, well, it wouldn't go over too well. There's too many other girls that try to get his attention. Too many other girls that are prettier than I am. The types of girls that all of the guys would rather have. I seriously doubt I stand out amongst them, at all. There's just so skinny and beautiful. And, I'm just, not. I'm a short, slightly chubby bookworm. Just plain Hermione Granger.

Although I have learned a lot of things for books. And not just the insane ideas that I have in my head about the things that I would like to do with one Ronald Bilius Weasley. I also know how to create giant pus balls that will stick to someone's skin for at least a month. I specialize in the face though. I can to it so well, that the healers at St. Mungo's cannot reverse my spells.

I've changed my mind about what I said earlier. I'm talking about the killing thing. I've decided that I can kill some people. I can't kill a lot of people, but I can kill people like that blasted sixth year Hufflepuff that all but stalks Ron in the hallways. Well, actually I don't know if I could kill her. But I do know that I can torture her. Slowly, obviously, and in ways where no one would ever suspect it was me doing so.

Other girls aren't allowed to notice how attractive and adorable Ron is. I've decided to make that a new rule. I'm Head Girl, so I can do that. Starting now no one, besides me, is allowed to even look upon the greatness of Ron. This rule will be punishable by expulsion, of course. Maybe even I could make it so that anyone who does so will be thrown in Azkaban. I like that idea. It's the only way.

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**_A/N: So, what did you people think about that chapter? Please review... It's kinda offensive to see that I've gotten over 300 hits for this story, and not even 10 of the reviews. I don't mind constructive critisism...just lay off the flames...for those are just mean._**


	4. Attempt at Contact

**Ramblings of an Insane and Confused Hermione**

_Lucid-03-days_

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Somehow I knew this was going to happen. Look at him sitting there, smiling at that fifth year. It was only a matter of time before he found some girlfriend to snog. I was just hoping that I wouldn't have to worry about being thrown into Azkaban until I was at least thirty. That way I would get something accomplished in my lifetime.

It's not like they could have _not_ noticed him. I mean, I've noticed him. Ron is hot. It's true. Why else would those other girls be hitting on him? I clearly didn't do a good enough job marking my territory. Luckily, I learn from my mistakes.

Right now, my number one priority is destroying the competition. I'll have to... Oh, she's gone. I wonder when she left? Maybe they were just talking about Quidditch. Merlin, I read far too much into these sorts of things. I better be more careful, or I can seriously get myself into trouble. Or worse, Ron will figure everything out.

Woah, I zoned out for some time. What time is it even? Do I even need sleep anymore? It's passed midnight, but only by an hour or two, possibly three. But, I'm still very much awake. I have a potions test in about six hours. Everyone in Gryffindor is already in bed sleeping. Well, not everyone. He is still awake. So, I'm still awake. I'd prefer Ron to sleep any day.

We hardly ever talk, just the two of us. We should really do it more often. He tens to open up more with me, when it's just me. I like that. Especially because it's something that the other pretty girls don't have with him. I'm the only one that does, and I want to keep it that way. I'm very proud of myself, for I'm controlling my hormones quite nicely right now.

Hey, I could just as easily pounce on Ron and rip all of his clothes off. I think I should be rewarded for not doing that. Well, actually I wouldn't want one. Why would I want to remember that I had another opportunity to do something, and I passed it up? I wouldn't.

I wonder how he would react if I made a very subtle move at him. Maybe brush my hand up against his leg or something like that. I should do that. See if he flips out, or even notices for that matter. I think I actually_ will_ do that. Okay, I have to wait for the right cue. But what is the right cue? I have no idea! I better just do it before I completely chicken out.

Well, I have my answer. If I slowly bring my hand up his leg, his body goes stiff and he quits talking. Maybe that was too obvious, because I wasn't expecting that reaction. I suppose I could just pretend that never happened. I'll blame it on his lack of sleep or something like that.

"Hermione?"

"Yes Ron?"

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"What you just did with your hand. On my leg."

"Oh right."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Why did you do that?"

"You're delusional."

I am not! Why did you do that?"

"No reason."

I've got to be careful. He might get suspicions. I can't have him knowing about the endless amounts of fantasies I have about him. He would laugh at me. I wouldn't want that to happen. He know too many prettier girls with much more experience of certain things. Why would he want me to do those sort of things to him? It just makes no sense really.

"Hermione?"

"What?"

"Let's say, hypothetically, I want you to do that again. Would you?"

"Hypothetically, yes."

Why did I just say that? I gave myself away! Bad move Hermione. I need sleep. It's effecting my better judgement. Now you've scared him away.

"But what if it was hypothetical?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if I, at this very moment, wanted you to do that again?"

"What are you saying Ron?"

"I fancy you?"

"You need sleep."

I'm dreaming. Seriously, there is _no_ possible way that he actually just said that. Especially to me. Why would it? I think I've gone crazy in my old age. What else could it be? I'm delusional. Yes, that has to be it.

"I don't. I'm quite awake right now."

Yeah. I'm dreaming.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes I did."

"...and?"

"I'm dreaming."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've come to the conclusion that this cannot be real, for you would _never_ say that to me. Except in my dreams, obviously."

"Hermione, you're nutters."

"I'm quite aware, thank you. But that happens when one falls in love with her best mate and is stuck on the sidelines watching his screaming fans. It's enough to drive anyone insane."

"Screaming fans?"

"You know all those girls, who if this were real life, you'd be with right now. Don't laugh at me! You know it's true."

"This is real life, Hermione. I am the real Ron."

"Dream Ron would say that too."

"You are insane! But, that's why I like you, possibly even love you. And, I really want to kiss you right now."

Wait a minute. What's going on here? Everything feels so real. I can feel his hair in my hands, his lips on mine. Oh Merlin, this isn't a dream! I'm going to faint. Okay, that's not true. But I _am_ going to enjoy every minute of this. Scratch that, every second...nano second even. I'll prove to him, well myself actually, that I can do so many things to him that those pretty girls can't even dream of.

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**_A/N: Yay, I finally finished it. This makes...three of my chapter stories that I've finished now. YAY! Please review this story. I know I complained back in the last chapter, but it is kinda hurtful to see over 700 hits, and less than twenty reviews. I'm just sayin'...please review at least one chapter. Thanks for reading though._**


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